Week 5 D3

One thing that stuck out at me in this chapter was the I-Statements. The book says that it is an important still in conflict to be able to use assertive I-statements. It makes it so you can personalize the conflict by owning up to your feelings and not just making it the responsibility of the other person. It helps to take the blame you might put on others off. Using I feel, or I think, or I don’t like can be better than saying  You said, you’re wrong…etc. There are 4 components of the I-Statement which are, feeling statement. A feelings statement is a description of your feelings. Next is the Problematic behavior statement which is a description of the offensive, selfish, upsetting, problem-producing behavior.  Then the Consequences statement, and that is a description of the consequences the problematic behavior has for you or others. And lastly is the Goal statements, and that’s a description of what you want specifically.  The I-statement is important to learn and understand how it works when dealing with conflict. At times I have put the blame on others and it can be hard to work thing out. But when you say things like, I feel, or I think when talking to others it doesn’t put all the blame on them and it can make the conflict easier to deal with. For example when I talk with my friends about things that they do that bothers me, I say I think instead of you do, or you’re wrong and it makes it more friendly to talk to them.

Week 5 D2 Listening

I think that at times it depends on the situation as for what I think about when others talk. At times I believe that I do concentrate on what they are saying and I listen to their ideas. I can be a good listener and be focused on what they have to say. But I have also somewhat ignored what others are saying and thought about my ideas instead when they talk. When I have done that in the past, I have found that I will ask them something that they just told me and then I become embarrassed for not paying attention. I think that more often than not, I do listen to what others are saying and I really focus on them and not my own ideas. I will after their done talking, think about what they said and throw my ideas in as well, but I usually wait until they are done. I do think that after I am done listening to what someone has said, I can write it down. I believe that I can do that, because I really am listening to them and not my own ideas in my head.

Week 5, D1 Stopping Conflict

I believe that it’s easy for me to stop a conflict. Often times I find myself being the one who steps in to stop things or to try and compromise with the other person just to end the conflict. Also I can be the one to just walk away for a little bit to calm down and then come back and ready to deal with the situation. The S-TLC system is something that comes in handy when dealing with conflicts. I feel that when I usually deal with conflict, I can follow those steps and I do stop things, and then think to myself, how am I going to act.  The part that can sometimes be difficult is the listen. I have at times combined the listen and communicate step together so that I can get everything in that I need to and I have cut the other person off when I was supposed to be listening to jump in and talk. But since I find it easy to stop conflict, some advise I’d give to others is to just take control and say stop and just step back and collect yourself. It can be hard to do, but once you step back and think, it can become easier to listen and communicate effectively again. The way I like to do a “time out” is to walk way and think about everything, it helps me to think on my own without having the conflict follow me.

Week 4 D-3 Opening Statement

I have to say that I really liked this chapter and feel that at times I am the mediator amongst my friends. I liked the concept of the opening statement. The opening statement is where the mediator talks about the purpose and process of the mediation. They have to set the common rules and make sure that everyone understand them.  The book lists the rules that the mediator have to make clear to the disputant. The opening statement is what sets the tone and get everyone prepared for what is going to take place. I feel that at times I have had to play the role of the mediator and I have started things off between my friends and at times its similar to what the book states. It seems like people do need to know common rules on what is going to happen and how everyone gets a chance to talk without interruptions. The opening statement is an important part of mediation.

Week 4 D-2

You can use the techniques such as fractionation, framing, reframing and common ground for solving problems that not only involve interpersonal conflict, but for solving intrapersonal conflicts as well. You might think it would be hard to apply those concepts to an intrapersonal conflict since that relates to individual self or mind, but it can be done. A person can at times be hard on themselves when making important decisions and need to set back to use help with solving it on their own.  For example if someone is stressed about money and paying the bills, fractionation can help to divide the debate about how they will spend their paycheck and to divide it amongst their bills. Reframing and framing could be used to help find guidance from finance leaders to help with budgeting their money.  And common ground could be used for a positive outlook and help with seeing that hard work pays off.

Week 4 D-1 Mediation

Communication majors would make good mediators because the formal training offers practical applications of many skills that are taught in communication courses. Comm majors have the background for the basic training and it is somewhat of natural fit for them. We learn multiple ways of speaking and not just one.  It could be difficult for lawyers to be an effect mediator, since they are used to taking sides and “wining” it for one person. A mediator is a neutral 3^rd party person who helps to resolve the conflict and to find a mutual agreement amongst the people involved. A lawyer is used to favoring one party and helping them get what they want. They might tend to lean towards one party and not effectively help the other party out. So lawyers might not be so great at mediating.  A psychotherapist might find it difficult as well since they would tend to focus on the “victim” and do what would make them happy and point out the effects of the problems. You need someone that isn’t trained to favor one side but who can make a neutral decision and help out both parties.